Every day, I'm flying by the seat of my pants.

It's been quite the lesson, trying to run a side business. I started soon after graduating, in late 2004. I've got so much to learn. But what I have learned has be wonderful. I've learned a little bit about the importance of record-keeping, developing a system and rhythm to doing routine maintenance and upkeep of the physical and digital workspaces. I've learned about clear communication, prompt follow-up, personal touches, and keeping your cool. I've learned when to walk away, and when to be persistent. It feels a lot like growing up all over again.

But the big thing that hangs over my head most of the time is Money. The times I've reinvested in my business have been times of agony; I tear my hair out over a decision (especially expenses), and often they turn out to be The Best Thing ever. Am I profitable? Not really, but I do help pay the bills a little bit. And the money I make keeps things humming, while leaving some room for expansion. That doesn't mean I don't fret and fret and fret and fret, however.

More specifically, I fret about spending money on equipment and supplies. Historically, it's been a huge hair-tearing bonanza. It's hard to justify the expenses, because it's a side business. But it's hard to go without, because my side business needs equipment and supplies to thrive. And on top of that, because it's based on what I love doing, often it's harder to distinguish want from need--to sit down and strategize about what is best for my business wants versus what I would prefer to mess around with.

Example: In December, I would really have loved to purchase some more linoleum block printing supplies in the name of making art for sale, but I had no guarantee that block printing supplies would a) be used as regularly as my photography equipment, b) earn me as much money as my photography, or c) help me to make artwork that sells at all! Over and over I would fill up my shopping cart at Utrecht.com and then abandon it, my stomach in knots. I love the feel of carving that block and adjusting the design and making beautiful collage, but photography is my first passion, and what drives my income.

So I sucked it up eventually, and decided to buy the extra camera accessories I needed for the business--gianormous camera bag, tripod-carrying bag, and more. Luckily, with Christmas around the corner, and The Husband notoriously lost when it comes to gift-giving, the block printing supplies came to me via a gift-wrapped package under a tree rather than a UPS truck. (After all, what do you buy a wife who doesn't wear much jewelry, is allergic to most luxury body care products, cares little about getting flowers regularly, and on top of that has really expensive hobbies?)

All this is to say that running a business is hard and rewarding. I still don't know what the H-E-double hockeysticks I'm doing, but that hasn't stopped me so far. While I can't devote all of my energies to this business right now with my full-time graphic design job, I know that the groundwork and experience that I lay down now is valuable. Ultimately, it will help me to reach my dream--to turn photography, design, and whatever else into a full-time self-employed paying gig when the time comes.

But I can't think that far ahead. It hurts my brain. In the mean time I just have to concentrate on finishing the next project, trying to put together what D.I.Y. advertising and marketing I can, and hone my skills. Hunker down, y'all!