What a difference a good night's sleep makes. The biggest drama of our lives in the past year has always been sleep. Getting Ruth to sleep through the night, at its various stages, has had its triumphs and setbacks. Now...
For all the sleep drama that pervades my life, tonight is the best night EVER.
I'm wicked tired, and this is going to simply KILL my functionality today, but at least she will eventually tire and then we can both go back to bed.
I want my daughter, and all future children of mine, to be selfless, giving, caring, and thoughtful. I want them to be eager, life-long learners, focusing on what is lasting. I hope they all have less anxiety than I do (though it seems like Ruth is doomed to inherit that from me, at this point).
So I feel more comfortable with my new change in life, to the fact that I've taken on duties that aren't going to go away anytime soon, if ever. It's nice to know that eventually she'll talk, eventually she'll stop wearing diapers, and that it will be a beautiful, difficult, rewarding journey.
I'm a little sad, of course. Mostly, I'm nervous and excited. I know that it will be hard to get up every day and leave the house (especially since I have no chance of sleeping in to recover from the unpredictable nights we're having here), but I also know that it will make me more grateful for the time I have with Ruth.
And the amazing thing is, the next child will change all the rules.
I wrote in my journal the other day, "I guess I just have a hard time letting the cameras and the crib coexist." I suppose I'll get used to it. After all, my thousands of dollars of equipment do, in fact, sit right next to my most precious possession: my daughter.
This past week we had a breakthrough: Ruthie started taking a bottle without much (if any) fuss.
I just have to have faith. I've been doing everything I can to get her to a place where it'll be easier for both of us. I just have to have faith.
My sister-in-law, Megan, told me early on, "People argue all the time about what kind of parenting style should be used. But really, it's not up to you as a parent. The kid decides what kind of parenting style you use." She's right.
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